Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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