Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
