The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
