In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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