now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
time to smoke my breakfast
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
