So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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