are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
