Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
