Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
