I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
