Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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