shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
