well I can't set my house on fire every night
I am midnight drunk by noon
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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