hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
It was confusing and full of hummus
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
