It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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