you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
