Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
