I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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