dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
