Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
