im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
