I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
