didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
