I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
