my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
