I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
3pm strippers are depressing
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
