Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
