Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
