just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
