Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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