She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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