I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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