Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
