Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
