no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Randomize
