Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
