What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
