Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
