I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
