All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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