He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
