Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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