Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
