saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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