Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Randomize
