how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Two words: blizzard sex
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
