The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
