i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
