Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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