We won't sleep together?
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
