In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
