does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
