Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
