I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
