Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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