3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Just pee around me
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
