3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Boobs speak an international language.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
