My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
