Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
