your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize