I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
