He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
