i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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