I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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