today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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