Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
