I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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