I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize