Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
