If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
