One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Girls should come with a carfax report
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
