Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
