Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
