Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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