She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
