I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
