If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
